Wednesday, August 23, 2006

MA Thuggery (UPM)

I must apologise. The course offered by Universiti Putra Malaysia wasn't an undergraduate level course, BA (Hons) Thuggery. It's actually a Masters level programme.

As highlighted earlier, we discovered that the Youth members of a certain dominant political party pick up their skills in rhetoric, intimidation and violence at the local public universities. But what was unexpected was the depth at which the skills were taught there. The syllabus covered by the local public universities include:
1. Theoretical Elements

Students are required to undergo courses in history and ethnic relations whereby they are taught the subtle (and not so subtle) methods of revising our history. In certain chapters, they are also taught the mechanics of shifting blame, whatever the circumstances, to other parties, particularly those who are not from the "pro-establishment" camp. Where political parties are not involved, the causes of dispute and conflict are filtered such that the blame are pinned squarely on the minority races.

2. Applied Thuggery (Practical Training)

The students are given ample opportunities to demonstrate their skills in thuggery by identifying opportunities and scenarios for the perfect execution. In the recent commotion occuring at the Universiti Putra Malaysia (UPM), it showed that these students are given ample opportunities to practise thuggerism, in particular, against those minorities with dissimilar opinions.

It is quite clear that in view of the high unemployment rate amongst graduates in the country, the universities have actively promoted practical training, in addition to theoretical understanding. This will ensure that the students, upon graduation will have the necessary skills to be of immediate utility in certain political organisations.

In fact, there was an unsubstantiated rumour that the video clip which documented the students' competence in the subject, will be used as part of the ethnic relations syllabus by certain universities. Students of the subject will have to form discussion groups to answer questions such as “The Chinese student from the anti-establishment camp was so violent that he fell off his own chair. Discuss.”

3. Leadership by Example

In an attempt to demonstrate strong leadership for the students undergoing the Thuggery programme, no other than the Vice-Chancellor of UPM himself, set himself up for a press conference to stage a hand-shaking ceremony between some of the undergraduates reading Thuggery. The ultimate art in Thuggery has to be the ability to behave thuggish, and yet continue to receive the patronage and protection from the powers that be.

4. The Masters Programme

In my earlier post, I had mistakenly identified the course as an undergraduate programme. I'd like to apologise for my mistake, as I wasn't aware that there was also a fast-track path to a Masters qualification if the students were able to demonstrate successful application of Thuggery.

In the earlier described circumstance whereby the students proved themselves worthy of the highest levels of Thuggery in practical training, their achievements will be further evaluated by a high-panel of academics. The committee at UPM comprising of Ethics course lecturer Prof Dr Abdul Rahman Aroff, lecturers Prof Dr Kamariah Abu Bakar (Education), Associate Prof Dr Tai Shzee Yew (Economy), Dr Mohd Bakri Ishak (Law) and Dr S. Vijayaletchumy (Languages) granted the 11 students direct graduation with a Masters degree by absolving them of all blame in the thuggery incident, as reported here by Malaysiakini.

5. Course Elective: Lies

This blogger would like to also propose that as part of the Thuggery degree programme, students be offered the elective in "telling lies". And this blogger would like to nominate none other that the UPM vice-chancellor, Prof Dr Nik Mustapha R Abdullah as the sponsor for the subject. After all, based on the Malaysiakini report, he has proven most adept in describing black as white, as well as a perfect inability in differentiating what is morally right or wrong. Some clearcut examples include:
  • In a direct denial of recorded evidence, the vice-chancellor further said the fracas did not involve any violence (i.e., there were no kris and parangs on display)

  • Asked to explain portion of the video recording which showed pro-campus authority students shouting and heckling SPF students, Nik Mustapha said they ‘were merely singing and cheering, and not shouting’. “They were singing the song of their hostel, not shouting,” he said.

  • To another question about a press photographer whose camera was damaged while recording the scuffle, the vice-chancellor claimed the reporter concerned, from the Chinese vernacular news website Merdeka Review, had confessed that the damage occurred due to her own carelessness. UPM student and Merdeka Review trainee reporter, Chew Siew Foong also flatly denied that she had told UPM authorities that it was her own carelessness which caused her camera to be damaged during the scuffle.

  • And of course, Nik Mustapha said the committee’s investigations were conducted in ‘a transparent and fair manner’ and he trusted the integrity of the investigation body. However, “the report is only for the consumption of the university and ministry, no other parties will have access to it.”
Oh, and of course, to tell good and credible lies, you need to have muka tembok.
Anyway, congratulations to the 11 candidates who have graduated with MA Thuggery (UPM). I'm certain that all of you, and in particular, the student council president, Abdul Manaf Ariffin, will find themselves gainfully employed with the Youth wing of a certain political your newly acquired soft skills.


p.s., read also article - "Universiti Paling Malu (UPM)" by Nathaniel Tan in Malaysiakini.


Anonymous said...

I love your post!!!

Anonymous said...

After MA Thuggery what's next ? PhD in Idleness ( by research or tutorial ? can't be by exams isn it? )

just curious..

Anonymous said...

I give up!

Anonymous said...

As I told you in UPM the most famous joke is:

In UPM campus the ratio of Malays to Non Malays is 9 : 1, but in the UPM library ,the ratio of Malays to Non Malays is 1 : 9

So you can conclude a lot from the studies of the above ratios

He He He

Anonymous said...

you guys are just crap....ur all so called pro chinise and anti malay...u guys just listen to one side of the story and make conclusions and insult UPM..i dont condone to the violence by the student body, but be rational when giving comments or publishing posts.....
maybe this might clear the air: